Friday, April 17, 2009

Ten Things A Man Needs to Know and Do

I spent last night watching Family Guy and bouncing around the Internet. Not exactly edifying pursuits but I had the kids and could not go out...well...given my track record of late its probably best that I stay in anyway.

So I come across this list of things men need to know from Esquire magazine. As I read it I realized that they missed certain things that I think all men need to know. What makes me qualified to come up with a list? I have a computer, I know how to type, I have blog, and I am a man and I have the parts to prove it.

This list is based on the premise that men (and women) ought to be independent, fully functioning individuals and not reliant on Mommy (or Daddy) to take care of their basic needs. In other words, grow the hell up and learn how to wipe your own bottom.

10. Men need to know how to drive a standard transmission. A stick shift is a basic essential, extra points for a column shift.

9. Know how to bake...anything. As its basic chemistry its not all that hard, all you have to do is follow directions....oh...wait...we do have problems with that don't we?

8. Spend time with your family. As Don Corleone once said "a man who does not spend time with his family is not a man." (There is much wisdom to be found in the first two Godfather movies. The less said about the third Godfather movie the better.)

7. Know how to grill a steak. Again...very basic...meat, salt, pepper, fire. It does not get any easier than that.

6. Say thank you and please...don't take anyone or anything for granted.

5. Know how to iron your own clothes. Mommy does not live with you and your wife/girlfriend has better things to do. Along the same vein, know how to clean your house/apartment.

4. Know how to make at least one mixed drink. Boilermakers do not count. Ice cream sodas do.

3. Put your kids first. You are in deep sh*t if I have to explain this one to you.

2. Your significant other comes before you. You never come first...ever. And if I have to explain this one to you you probably don't have a significant other.

1. Be a good guy. Being a good guy is a habit and gets easier as you go along. Being a sh*ty guy is also a habit. If you don't know the difference, get help, get help now.

So that's my list and more or less what I try to live by...besides...these are things our Moms and Dads should have taught us 30 years ago.. Notice I did not mention anything about writing less than flattering things about ex girlfriends or ex wives...I would never offer advice that I would find difficult to follow.


  1. tHAT'S a great list! My brother could learn a thing or two about what that premise paragraph says "not reliant on Mommy (or Daddy) to take care of their basic needs." I swear I don't know how my brother is going to function once my parents cut him off totally...or will they ever?!??!?

  2. So funny that I was just chattin w/ Cheryl and she said pretty much when you guys get together you just drink and eat meat ... meat you will be grilling if I come for lunch someday, right?

  3. Martinis and Steak...yes that is our bring the meat and we will provide the Grey Goose...

  4. Ahhh.. doesn't this sound like every guy should read it? :-)

  5. Good lord...I need to respond to this list but I just spent til 4am moving my blog to Wordpress....I have no good comeback here...but I will.