Thursday, April 16, 2009

Blueberry Muffins

Bisquick, milk, vegetable oil, an egg, and blueberries...its a pretty damn easy recipe allowing me to crank out a dozen blueberry muffins in about 30 minutes. I make them for my kids every now and then for breakfast.

I sat with them this morning as they ate breakfast...they talked about the kids they know at school, little league, and the coming weekend with their mother. I realized how much I enjoy being around them and how much I like waking them up in the morning, cooking for them, playing with them, and putting them to sleep at night. I am far more involved in their lives now that they live with me and I find that I am no longer content to be the afternoon parent or the every other weekend dad. I have turned down bachelor party weekends in Las Vegas, going to Celtic games, and nights out to be with my kids. This is a far more satisfying relationship I have with my kids than the one I had before.

I have not written much about my ex wife lately. I suppose its because there has been other things on my mind and because there has not been much to write. While her doctors are still struggling to arrive at a diagnosis her condition has undergone a remarkable improvement. The kids see her often and her improvement as reached the point to where our children can spend over nights with her.

Yesterday morning my ex wife and I had a discussion about a schedule for us and for the kids. We agreed that she would have the kids on the weekends and that we would discuss adding an additional day in a few weeks. We agreed that the kids had to come first and that her health and stability would determine if we need to change the arrangement we have agreed upon. We will bring in our respective lawyers once we agree upon a final schedule.

While I know my kids enjoy living with me, I also know that they miss their home with their mom and that they crave more time with her. As she is doing much better, in fact better than she has been in almost a year, I find that I cannot in good conscience deny my kids desire to spend more time with their mother. Their needs come first, and as their mom is healthier there is no reason not to let my kids spend more time with her.

As I walk about my apartment, cleaning bathrooms, answering business calls, putting away dishes, and sending out faxes, I realize that I have enjoyed this time with my kids but I also know that this is not going to last forever. They are inevitably going to spend more time at their mom's. With her health improved this is as it should be. While I try to enjoy my kids and and hold on to the many special moments we have shared here the last two months, I cannot help but feel a sense of impending loss.

I'll still make blueberry muffins...but I am sad that my kids are going to be around less often to enjoy them.

1 comment:

  1. I don't think it matters if you're a mom or a dad...I can't imagine days without my kiddos. I find it hard enough to have them gone on e/o weekend. They go because I think it's good for them to be with their grandparents and visit their Dad and try to get to know him after 8 years of divorce. They are starting to grow away from it now, though and I'm trying not to show my excitement....

    For me, having kids around is what keeps me sane. It goes by so quickly and having two grown daughters makes me cling to my youngest 3 even more.

    Even if they aren't with you full time, they know you care. That's the good thing...and the thing my kids DO NOT have from their Dad. If they are there, fine, he feeds them and tells them what time bedtime is. If they aren't with him, they don't hear from him. At all. That's not parenting.

    You'll be fine...I'm sure it will all balance out.