Play Date

Today two of the Pierce kids had play dates. Aidan had one of his friends over and Fiona had one of hers. Needless to say I am having a rather large, rather strong drink right now.

Aidan's friend, while nice enough has parents who are...well lets be charitable and refer to them as over protective (if they could have this kid live in a plastic bubble they would). The mom met me at the parking lot, offered to drive her little darling the five minutes it takes to get to my place, hands me a list of things her son can't eat, and a Tupperware container with the boy's dinner in it. I call her son "Bubble Boy" with reason.

Upon reading the list, I must have muttered a little too loudly, "jeez, what can this kid eat?" The mother then promptly informed me that they also try to keep him away from refined sugar and dairy. She asked me if I smoked in the house...I told her "only marijuana." She did not get the joke. I decided not to like this woman.

Fiona's friend is a sweet little girl. I have known her for years but thought her parents were a little too perfect, a little too plastic. For a Halloween party at school last year they went as an airline pilot and stewardess....you get the idea. When I did a mortgage a few years ago I started to think of them as Ken and Barbie and their daughter Precious.

So I get the five kids back to my place and fed four of them the snack I made, grapes, cheese, Cheezits, and Pepsi. Bubble Boy sullenly ate his own snack. I found myself thinking about the scotch and soda that was waiting for me after the kids went to bed.

After an hour or so in the pool the kids and I went back to my place for dinner....tonight...cheese burgers and homemade french fries and fruit for four of them... Two pounds of ground beef, five pounds of potatoes, and a plate full of fresh brownies later dinner was over, I had the kids playing the Wii, I put Led Zeppelin on the CD player, and I started to clean up.

There is a song on this particular CD that is not...well...not exactly child appropriate. I try to skip it when I can when the kids are around as the lyrics to "Whole Lot of Love" is not exactly something I want my kids belting out. It comes on after "The Immigrant Song," and before "Cashmere." Its tough to skip over as the kids love screeching to the "Immigrant Song." So I have five kids screaming the lyrics to "Immigrant" and I hear a knock on the door. It was Bubble Boy's mom. And she is early. I let her in and we chit chat as the kids continue to sing Led Zeppelin. During a lull in the chit chat as loud as possible, Aidan screeches..."I am going to give you every inch of my love." Damnit...I forgot to skip the song. Bubble Boy's mom started to loose what little composure she was able to muster for me and announced that she needed gather up her Bubble Boy and leave.

It was at that point I decided to throw gasoline on the fire by asking her..."don't you just love this song?" She then announced "we have to go" and left the apartment as quickly as she could.

About ten minutes later Ken and Barbie arrive. Now we have had this passive aggressive relationship for the five years we have known each other. Our conversation went something like this;

Ken: "So Tom, still able to eek out a living in the mortgage business?"

TP: saying"I do about as well as you do chasing ambulances" while thinking..."asshole"

Barbie: "Cute place you have here Tom"

TP: saying "Thanks, we like it" while thinking "cute boobjob Barbie are those new?."

Barbie: "I don't know how you manage the kids, and work, and the apartment Tom. I can barely keep up myself."

TP: saying "I manage...it also helps to scream into a pillow every night" while thinking "you can't keep up because you are too busy running up credit card debt at every mall in Massachusetts." (God I love my job sometimes.)

Ken: "Tom if you can ever get a sitter we should go out for a drink."

TP: saying "Sure that would be great" while thinking "when Hell freezes over."

Ken: "You know Tom, you could use a wife."

TP: saying "no I don't" while thinking "no I don't."

This dialogue went on for another five or so minutes before Ken and Barbie gathered up Precious and left.

Before she went to bed Fiona cuddled up next to me on the couch and asked me if I liked play dates. "Sure I do Princess...as long as I don't play Led Zeppelin."