Saturday, March 14, 2009

Financial Panties

When you look at people's credit reports on a daily basis, you learn to be able to paint a fairly accurate picture of your client. Or so I thought. A credit report can reveal the most intimate details of someone's life. Just ask the person who coined the phrase used for the title of this posting.

I am working a what appeared to be a run of the mill loan for what appeared to be run of the mill people. They are looking to combine their mortgage and their equity line along with some debt into a new 30 year mortgage. I have met with them a few times and they reminded me of a younger version of Fred and Ethel Mertz from the I Love Lucy Show. Doughy is the word that come to mind to describe them physically. Bitter acrimony is the phrase that best captured their relationship. Again, nothing out of the ordinary.

So I call Fred and Ethel this morning to go over the final numbers. This is something I typically do prior to a loan closing. In speaking with Ethel I told her that were were giving her such and such a rate and were combining her first and second mortgages and then proceeded to tell her what debt we were going to pay...."ok, we are going to take care of your MasterCard, your Macy's Card, your Discover, your Victoria Secret," she then cut me short. "Thats not mine," she said. I am thinking "uh oh, Fred has something on the side." Trying to recover, I said well...if its not yours then perhaps your credit is co-mingled with some other persons." She then told me "oh its not mine, its Fred's." She then volunteered way too much. "Fred shops there all the time, he likes their styles and the enjoys their panties and thinks they are pretty." I thought "that's an odd way of putting that." I then said, "well....ok....well...we are taking care of that account too."

I then proceeded to resume going through the list of accounts we were paying off...."American Express, Lane Bryant...." Ethel cut me short again, "that one is Fred's too." He likes that they have clothing in his size."

It was at that moment when it all came together. Fred has more of a twist in his kink than I ever wanted to imagine. After fighting the urge to puncture both eardrums and run screaming into the street, I tried to recover. "Well....that is more or less what we are going to take care of for you...the closing attorney will be at your home Monday night, say hi to Fred for me."

When the call ended I wondered....who is had a more twisted kink? Fred because he dresses in dresses, or Ethel? I then tried real hard to think about something else....I mean Fred Mertz in Victoria Secret panties and a dress?!??!!? Its a mental image that I would rather not carry with me.

You have no idea what you are going to find when you look into someones financial panties.

SPECIAL NOTE TO MH9tpi4ojslP6PAFz2iL3Ylhfi7.rHPv_BUOIiY-

MH9tpi4ojslP6PAFz2iL3Ylhfi7.rHPv_BUOIiY- thank you for following my blog....while I suspect that this is the work of someone's over exuberant small child I am really curious as to who you might be. Shoot me an email to my yahoo account...:)

1 comment:

  1. hahahhaha, now that is hilarious. Oh that's not mine!!! she sure is kinda stupid, she should be claiming that shit if it's her hubby's. who wants that out in public?!?!?