Yesterday I worked up enough courage to get my Christmas tree and today I put it up. Tomorrow the kids and I will decorate it. My kids, my daughter in particular, is very concerned that I get a tree this year. As I have my kids with me for half the week that I would get a tree was never in question. How I would feel about the tree is.
My best friend's sister observed that Christmas comes with teeth....and I have found that for the last several years, just as I thought I was about to escape from the holiday season unscathed, Christmas comes, generally in the form of the ghosts of Christmas past, and takes a bite. For me, the tree, and the decorations, are fraught with memories, memories of those who are no longer here and those who have left. I feel funny for telling you this...but at age 42 I miss my grandparents terribly.
This year, just as I was thinking that I had a shot at emerging from this Christmas unscathed, but for a brief moment, I was careless and thoughtless. As a result, I have caused great damage and have done much harm. So this year, it appears that the Ghost of Christmas Present will be my companion for the holiday season. There is always next year.
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1 year ago
Good for you Tom! I relate to what you were saying about memories ... every ornament I hang is laden with memories from my childhood and of my loved ones who are no longer with us. It can be a bittersweet exercise. But as my mom once pointed out -- many parents and grandparents have experienced great loss by a certain age and if they let that paralize them, there would be no Christmas created for kids. At some point we have to shake off our painful memories and redirect that into creating magic for our children. Over time you will be filled with the joy that comes from giving outside yourself. You will be proud of the father and son you are...
ReplyDeleteAnd don't be so hard on yourself Tom. Rather than beat yourself up for the past, just do better going forward. And it looks as though you are! I am proud of you and your kids will have the gift of lifelong memories. You are not only giving them a gift -- but one to yourself as well. Enjoy!