Thursday, December 17, 2009

My Ex Wife

Its been a challenging few days here in Dadland... and there are a number of things I won't share with you dear reader but one thing I will tell you about...Sunday would have been my 17th wedding anniversary.

I have known my ex wife for more than 20 years and looking back over the time we have known each other we have had our ups and downs and more than our fair share of difficulty. We also have had more than our fair share of disagreement but through it all I knew I was dealing with someone who is a good and kind person.

Over the last few years we have developed a peculiar type of friendship. I admit, that there have been times I have not been as kind as I should have been to my friend, my ex wife. She is a good mother, devoted, attentive, and engaged in the lives of our children. She tried to be a good wife to me, however, I am afraid I let her down as a husband. I have tried my best to not let her down as an ex husband. I think, in her way, she has tried not to let me down as an ex wife.

This has been a difficult year for both of us. We have both had health and emotional issues with which to deal. Some of these issues are life altering. I recently suffered something of a setback (if you can call an unmitigated disaster a setback) with which I am still struggling. My ex wife, my friend, spent much of yesterday with me on the phone, talking to me, listening, and helping. This is something she has done many times over the past year. Anyone else would have told me to go to fact...she probably would have had every right to tell me just that.

I forget all too easily the good my ex wife brings into not only the lives of my children, but into my life as well. Its easy to let the acrimony that inevitably seeps into the relationship of former spouses such as ourselves taint, what has been for the most part, a sold, stable, reliable partnership. No...not merely a partnership...but a friendship, of a peculiarly special kind.


  1. Tom - I love this post! How wonderful that the love you have for your children and the respect that you have for one another has bonded you in ways that are positive (yet peculiar). My ex and I were married for 15 years and have been divorced for over 7. We have managed to salvage the genuine friendship that kindled our romance in the first place. We can be there for one another and enjoy the raising of our daughter - together. She is the big winner -- but at the end of the day -- we are all winners. I am sending you good wishes and warm thoughts through this rough patch you are going through. I hope the holidays deliver some fun, love and happiness and memory making time with your kids.

  2. You are a good person to see this, Tom, but a better one to share it. I have several friends who, after divorce, became true friends with their ex, creating a great relationship for the children they share. I'm glad you were able to do the same. Respect is a great thing, and having respect for each other will give your children a wonderful memory and good foundation in life.