Sunday, November 22, 2009

The Holiday Season; The Fuzzy End Of The Divorce Lolly Pop

I have wrestled with this topic for about two fact...I have avoided this space for almost as long while trying to figure out how to approach this. So here it is;

This will be the first Thanksgiving that I will not be spending with my children.

When my ex wife and I first separated we agreed that we would figure out a way for the five of us to spend the major holidays together. And it worked...for a while...but last year it became apparent it was time for us to do something different. So this Easter we split up the day...I had the kids in the morning and she had them in the afternoon. The kids found it difficult but we thought that Easter would be the best holiday to start a new routine to make things easier for the kids during the Holiday Season.

The ex wife and I started discussing Thanksgiving about a month ago. For a variety of reasons we decided that it would be best for me to spend the morning with the kids and that in the afternoon she would take them to her brother's for dinner. The kids are excited to be spending the day with their cousins. In fact, one of them remarked that holidays are supposed to be spent with aunts and uncles and grandparents and cousins.

To her credit, my ex wife is concerned and interested in how I am going to spend the rest of my day. My first choice would be to spend the entire day with my kids. But this simply is not possible. Divorce is hard, its hard on kids and its hard on their parents...but we...the parents...were the ones who failed to make our marriage in our divorce its right that we make compromises to make things easier and better for the kids.

So my ex wife and I compromised to make the best of a difficult part of divorce. And with any compromise you give up something to get something....but sometimes compromise means that what you get is the fuzzy end of the lolly pop...


  1. So difficult. My daughter will spend Thanksgiving with me but last year she spent it with her dad and his family.. we have been doing this a long time ( we have been divorced over 10 years) so it does get a little easier every year but its still hard on her.. she feels like she has to choose between families. Wishing you a beautiful day even without the kids and they will be coming home to you, right?

  2. Its worse for the kids when the parents keep on shuffling them back and forth according to a schedule, even when they are teenagers with their own social lives. My two boys would go to their father every weekend when he lived locally. I fit in with what the kids wanted to do. Instead of sitting at home, it would be a good opportunity for you to organise a meal with likeminded people such as yourself. Sometimes we have to make an effort so as not to sit at home feeling left out. If you do decide to stay at home on your own and enjoy Thanksgiving alone, make sure you have bought your own special treats to spoil yourself and be fully aware that you have chosen to spend the day this way.

  3. I think that Spot and Joey will be happy to share turkey with you!!

    Wishing you a great day

    Sharin Lee