Its Not About The Fish

There are two children I know who would dearly love to go fishing with their dad. I know of their dad only by reputation but I find myself thinking of him from time to time. I hope he comes to understand that going fishing would not be about catching fish....it would be about spending time, away from the TV, with his children.

I don't mean to hold myself up as a great example of fatherhood in action as lately I have fallen short of the mark. However, I know my kids have their own unique needs for particular types of attention. For an example, what would work for Aidan my not work for Fiona or Oliver. With this in mind, I strive to engage my kids on terms that would enrich all of our lives. In this I fail almost as often as I succeed but I think the effort is almost as important as the results.

There is a lovely little pond near our home. Surrounded by parkland and modest homes, this pond is stocked with rainbow trout and is a favorite destination for casual anglers and afternoon fisherman. This pond, I have found, is my Aidan's favorite thing about where we live. He and I went fishing one afternoon last week. For almost two hours we stood on the bridge that transverses the pond and cast our lines. During that time we talked about school, baseball, fish, and cars. While we had a few nibbles we did not catch any fish. To my surprise, Aidan was not at all disappointed. He told me that going to the pond was not about the fish. My Aidan told me that he likes that we have a place to hang out and talk, that it was a chance for him to practice casting, and that he enjoyed being with me.

Lately, parenting has felt like work. I am coach, psychologist, playmate, cook, maid, ATM machine, mother, and father to my kids. With summer time here and the pace of life slowed, I hope I can better listen to my kids when that tell me that its not about the fish, that is about the time we have together.

Summer Vacation

My kids started summer vacation in earnest this week. As my ex wife's health precludes her from driving we decided that the kids should remain with me for most of the week. I have not decided whether having the kids here will help or hurt my efforts to resume working...oddly...I find myself not really caring either way and plan to enjoy the summer regardless.

However...I might need to take a vacation for myself in September if yesterday is any indication of what my summer is going to be like.

5:30 Got up, ingested coffee, stared into the abyss, started work.

7:00 Fiona woke up. She insisted that I make her breakfast, call her friend, and pay attention to her.

9:00 Called Soccer Mom Friend and arranged for play date for Fiona with her daughters.

9:30 Went fishing with Aidan...took three work phone calls

10:00 Soccer Mom Friend picked up Fiona

10:30 - 12:30 Worked

12:30-1:30 Had homemade taco lunch with the boys

2:00-3:00 Errands...picked up repaired bicycle, went sneaker shopping for Oliver, drank more coffee.

3:00-4:30 Bowling with the Boys

5:00-7:00 Dinner at the Soccer Mom friend's house with the kids...Soccer Mom told me that hubby wants to use another mortgage broker for the purchase of their new home. I am plotting my revenge.

7:00-8:00 Worked

8:00-9:30 Hung with Kids

9:30-11:00 Read, putz, had a drink, stared into the abyss, fell asleep in my chair....

I am fortunate that much of my work can be done outside of business hours and that most of my clients can be reached via email. Balancing work and my kids has always been a challenge...particularly now as I try to rebuild my pipeline which is almost empty as a result of the two month hiatus I took from work.....

Today is shaping up to be a similar day but with an oh so entertaining twist. Aidan went into my room this morning...woke me up...told me it was 9:00...it was actually 5:00...I am plotting my revenge.

Father's Day

Last month a friend of mine gave me a Happy Mother's Day shout out on Twitter (thanks Gretchen). I think she did so because during the last several months I had assumed so many of a mom's traditional responsibilities. Admittedly there were Mother's Days when I did feel like I deserved a card or a present.

Today on Father's Day I am thinking of a handful of moms I know who have assumed the responsibilities typically associated with fatherhood. In some instances I know their children only by name and what their moms tell me about them...and in others I know what their favorite shoes are, the names of their best friends, and what they like for dinner. These kids are lucky to have moms who cut the grass, pay the mortgage, play Lego's and ball with them, and patiently walk behind them as they rumble along in their Big Wheels. Their moms play video games, make sure the heat stays on, teach them baseball, watch the same movies over and over again, and are on duty 24 hours a day. As for their dads'....all have to say there is more to fatherhood than siring a child, writing a check, or sitting on the couch while their kids spend weekend after weekend in front of the TV.

So...I want to wish a Happy Father's Day to all of the women who visit this space who have stepped in and assumed the role of both mom and dad. You have my admiration, affection, and respect.

Half Days

On Sunday night and Monday morning I set up a game plan for the first half of the week. I make appointments, arrange my life, and develop a plan for as much of the week as I can. Today I had planned to be in New Bedford, developing a new business relationship (yes...I do work occasionally) and I had made lunch plans with a friend.

These plans were blown up last night by pronouncement from the back set of the car. "You remember that we have a half day tomorrow Dad...don't you?" Not only did I not remember, I did not even realize they had a half day. Seriously, what school, public or parochial, schedules a half day with less than two weeks left in the school year. So last night was spent frantically re-arranging my day...fortunately everyone understood. The business meeting will take place in the afternoon and the lunch plans turned into drinks later on in the week...

So this morning I am presented with a choice; make snacks, roll out the uniforms, and hustle the kids off for a half day of school....or....let them sleep late, take them to the pool, and then ask their mom to watch them for the afternoon...I decided to let them sleep late and then tell them that we are going to play hooky from school. There is no harm in giving them an early taste of summer vacation. I only wish I had a slip and slide...

11.5 Fluid Oz

Anyone who knows me will tell you that food is very important to me that that grocery shopping is something I love to do. They will also tell you that I can get the you know what out of a buffalo nickel...

I went to the liquor store yesterday to pick up a 12 pack of my favorite beer. Warsteiner is a wonderful brew and is Germany's sole contribution to my everyday diet. As I stood in front of the beer cooler I noticed something odd about the 12 pack. As I read the words "Twelve 11.5 fluid oz bottles" I could feel my blood pressure increase. Everyone knows that the standard bottle or can of beer or soda is 12 fluid oz....right? I checked the other beer brands, Miller, Budweiser (why anyone would drink that is beyond me), however many imports now come in the 11.5 oz bottles.

The reduction of my favorite bottle of beer by half of a fluid oz is, it would seem, a minor irritation and one not worth writing about. However, this is one more example of a growing trend in our economy where we are offered less for the same price. For an example, ice cream used to come in half gallon containers. Then a few years ago, the size of the container shrunk to 1.75 quarts. And now...the so-called "half gallon" of ice cream has shrunk to 1.5 quarts with no corresponding reduction in price.

That this trend has struck two of my favorite things, ice cream and beer, irritates me to no end. The irritation is not just because we are paying the same (or more) for less. I understand that food producers have their costs and that these costs are inevitably passed on to the consumer. The irritation, no...make that concern...is that the worldwide increase in the cost of food...and here we are not just talking about beer and ice cream but flour, rice, cooking oil, meat, is in part, due to a shift in our agriculture away from food production and towards fuel production. Ethanol refineries are popping up across the American Midwest and farmers are reacting accordingly. A telling statistic is that the amount of corn it takes to produce to fill a 25 gallon fuel tank could feed someone for a year.

The law of supply and demand tells us that with an increasing amount of our agricultural output shifting toward fuel production will mean an inevitable increase in the cost of food. This appears too high a price to pay to keep our SUVs on the road.

And I miss that half a fluid ounce of Warsteiner.

Back In The Saddle

Dear Friends,

Well...I have decided to climb back into the saddle again and resume regular postings as there is much insanity, nonsense, and craziness that has gone uncommented upon these last few weeks.

Yesterday, while at the grocery, I noticed that I had been paying the same price for less on a number of items...needless to say this got under my skin...so I will be bitching about that tomorrow.

Have a lovely afternoon...

Tom

Gone Fishing

I went fishing this morning. Aidan has been after me to take him fishing so I borrowed some of my father's tackle so we can go fishing next week.

As has been the case of late, I was up at 5:30 wondering what to do with myself. The kids were at their moms', Joey was sound asleep, and the idea of turning on the TV had no appeal. Sitting in the corner of my living room, however, were a few fishing poles and a tackle box.

I used to go fishing often...usually in salt water...always to catch fish to eat. This morning, however, I simply walked down the street to the local pond and cast my line for trout. As we have turned our rivers and ponds into dumping sites I do not have the courage to eat locally caught fresh water fish. However, whereas previous expeditions were about catching fish, this mornings' was about going fishing. It was about standing on a bridge, casting my line, and not caring whether I caught anything or not.

I spent two hours this morning on that bridge, immersed in the sounds of running water, birds singing, and leaves gently rustling in the cool breeze. Admittedly, I would still be there had not falling rain broken the spell and brought me back into the present and to myself. And now I feel more like myself than I have for several months.

I need to fish more often.

(by the way...I caught five trout...all of whom were returned to their watery home none the worse for wear)