Stress Test Stress

So....the other day...about to undergo what feels like my twelfth echo cardiogram in the last two weeks...the technician joked..."lets see if you have a broken heart..." I laughed.

Anyway...I am in this chamber....and my mind starts to wander...which is seldom a good thing. During the last two weeks I have been in something of a limbo...waiting for something to be discovered...something to happen. And while waiting for something to happen I have been doing a lot of thinking...and not about what you would think I would be thinking about....

Its never the big things that occupy your mind...at least for me anyway...even now I do not think about the big things...or even much about my health...but I have been thinking. About the little things, about the loose ends, the hanging threads...the bits of unfinished business I have. That we all have.

I should file my taxes early. Oliver is old enough for me to teach him a 12 to 6 curveball. I should go to the gallery and make peace. Fiona and I need to take another art class. I need to see my erstwhile dear friend and make things right. To lean how to dance. I should, ought to, need to, have to...the list goes on and on and on.

My father once accused me of putting off until tomorrow what can be done today...and in this instance he was right in that I have what could prove to be a terminal case of the "Mananas." So....lying there...about ready for another stress test...I asked myself...why wait until tomorrow to have a game of catch? To spend some time drawing. To learn how to dance. To say I am sorry. To say I miss you. To say I love you. Why wait?

I think we all feel stress about the the little things...the loose ends....the hanging threads....the bits of unfinished business....how we deal with them is the real test.